Mary has never joined a support group — and says she probably could have benefited from one — but she does find support in her friends. 352-771-2700 Qualitative research interviews were conducted with eight spouses/cohabitants. Get into therapy. “It’s a disease — it’s not the person. This site is about the trials and tribulations of living with a bipolar spouse. Use the soothers to help maintain the mood that both of you are desiring,” advises marriage and family therapist Tracy Todd, PhD, based in Alexandria, Va. “Communication during and between mood swings is critical to managing the accompanying stressors,” says Todd. The condition may bring both positive and challenging aspects to the relationship, but you can take steps to support your partner and to help them manage their symptoms. Mary believes in the commitment she made when she married her husband. “They may not be capable of ‘working through’ a relationship ending in an effective way, and mature ‘closure’ may not be impossible,” he said. U.S. Drug Overdose Deaths Hit Record During COVID-19 Pandemic, Tippi Coronavirus: Tips for Living With COVID-19. It may be difficult for a partner who hasn’t been close to someone with bipolar disorder to understand certain challenges. Last medically reviewed on January 8, 2020. Here are 10 of the best…. Look for triggers. There are many ways to ramp up your intake of antioxidants, and adding some antioxidant drinks to your diet is one of them. At home, when her husband’s moods are out of control, Mary acknowledges, “I try to avoid him.”. Understanding the illness, what you can do to help a spouse suffering from bipolar disorder and taking care of … It is a roller coaster. Learn 9 tips for living with a loved one with bipolar disorder. Ask. “Let those people then provide an average sort of score, and say, ‘Hey, yeah. Though you may have to make adjustments and sacrifices because your husband has bipolar, that does not mean that your life should be only about your husband. I live with a partner who has depression and bipolar disorder. It is not your fault, your spouse's or your children's fault. Still, Dr. David Reiss, a psychiatrist with offices in Southern and Central California, said that some people may not be receptive because they feel rejected. “Be kind, but not overbearing, and realize that once you are ending the relationship, your kindness may not be welcome anymore, and that’s OK.”. The answer to the question above should, ultimately, be “yes.” However, I feel that society takes too broad of a stroke when concluding that bipolar disorder leads to divorce. Give yourself a break. The aim of the study was to identify and describe spouses'/cohabitants' experiences of living with a partner with bipolar affective disorder over time. Many people with bipolar disorder have happy, successful marriages. “Do try to be compassionate, but be ready to have that compassion rejected without taking it personally.”. Working with your own therapist may also be a good idea. It’ll also take time to heal. There are hard times in marriage to a bipolar spouse, acknowledges Mary. Only 3% of Americans get enough of the essential mineral potassium. “The biggest thing, I think, actually, is to delay the breakup if that’s happening and just have a cooling off period,” he added. You can have months that are perfectly fine and then all of a sudden it will come from nowhere,” she says. While the disorder has no cure, treatment can effectively manage symptoms and help to maintain stability. Whether you can insert humor into the situation and get a good response is highly individual, but Mary says this tactic works for her. You can attempt to be as supportive as possible during the breakup. You listen to each word, phrase and watch every action looking for cues that something bad is about to happen. in both yourself and in the other person and make it worse,” Dr. Reiss said. Dr. Saltz suggested doing your best to learn from any relationship that didn’t work. While she acknowledges bipolar disorder is difficult, she also notes, "The person I fell in love with is still there. The disorder also has positive aspects. Living with a Bipolar Spouse. Often there are specific environmental stressors or soothers — including relationship issues — that influence mood swings. All are affected and it is nobody's fault. Reading nonverbal cues helps us understand the intentions of others. They can't hold down a steady job, and their relationships with friends and family are destructive at best. First, remember why you’re in the relationship. Bipolar disorder is usually treated with a combination of medications and therapy. If he refuses to take his meds (as he often does when he is manic), she leaves, even if only to spend the night at a friend’s house to make her point. “They may be often condescending or dismissive of you, [saying things like] ‘You don’t really have bipolar disorder,’ [which can] undermine your treatment,” she added. It took me by surprise when someone asked me what it was like being married to someone who had bipolar disorder. Spouses of persons with depression and bipolar unwittingly become caretakers for major chunks of time. If you spouse fully accepts the diagnosis and resolves to get treatment, you could begin working together and make the marriage stronger than ever. I have … Their mood swings will go up and down, as will their days, and you along with them. Also, as with any relationship, you should never feel that your partner is putting either you or themselves in danger. If, on the other hand, your spouse refuses treatment, you must learn to … For a partner diagnosed with bipolar disorder, this may be a time to take another look at the relationship. “Is that something that, in retrospect, you feel good about, or does it fit some pattern that hasn’t been good for you? Because they live with a bipolar spouse, they are expected to hold everything together when emotional hurricanes hit their families. Living with someone with a mental illness can present a unique set of challenges, and bipolar disorder is no exception. Find someone you can talk to and vent your problems to. Build support. Bipolar disorder is a manageable, long term condition that affects a person’s mood. The fear of … It’s a fight. Somewhat bizarrely, in 25 years of marriage no-one had ever asked me that before. Also learn how lifestyle changes, like drinking more water, can…. On reflection, I realised not many people know that my husband has bipolar. Video: Living Day-to-Day With Bipolar. We are a team, and we care for each other. Without treatment, these shifts in mood can make it difficult to manage school, work, and romantic relationships. © 1996-2021 Everyday Health, Inc. She is on meds and stable, and I've seen it all pretty much at this time. I want to talk openly about the realities of living with and trying to support someone who is mentally ill, and what I’ve learned about mental health and stigma over the years. And mos… Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. It’s like having another child,” she says. He added, “Work through your own guilt as much as possible before, during, and after the breakup.”. “If a person in any circumstance makes a threat of suicide, that is an emergent situation. “You know, I married a man for better or for worse. All rights reserved. If you’re married to someone living with bipolar disorder, you already know it’s a rough ride sometimes. This can make it easier to carry on relationships and to promote long, healthy partnerships. We put together a list of healthier kids’…. New Orleans resident “Mary” has been married to her husband for 25 years. Mary says part of what keeps her sane is her job, for which she occasionally travels. Reportedly, 90 percent of all marriages in which one spouse is bipolar fail. “Mental illness does not mean a constant state of debilitation, but rather there could be episodes of more difficult times,” said Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell Medical College. People with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder experience extreme shifts in mood that can result in manic or depressive episodes. A Spouse’s Perspective. For example, a married person with Bipolar Disorder is often not aware of the full impact their disorder has on their partner, children, or other family members. If you have the contact information of their therapist you may leave a message, although be aware that their therapist may not be able to talk with you due to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA). Your spouse refuses treatment, you must learn to … Video: living Day-to-Day with bipolar.. 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